F1 Fantasy Competition

I've posted a pair of links to two free web fantasy games I'm playing this season under the team name "Valhalla Team EERO". I thought it might be fun if we were to compete against one another in this team management game. Anybody interested?
See you in Melbourne, my friends.

Game #1: I played this one last season and did pretty well. www.fantasyf1.co.uk/index.html (http://www.fantasyf1.co.uk/index.html)

Game #2: (Ya gotta love a website whose soundtrack is Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries.)
www.sansworld.com/speedking/home.html (http://www.sansworld.com/speedking/home.html)



[This message has been edited by EERO (edited 06 March 2000).]

EERO, in order to get you some competition I've entered game#1, Fantasy F1.
My team name is Tulip Racing.
Have to go now, gotta catch my plain to Australia. The team's already there and we still have a launch to do. :)

I´m in on game#1 too.
I just entered "The nifty nostrils team". Acombination of personal favourites, the best driver and some cheap stuff to fill it up.
Let the games begin...

Thanks EERO, I've been looking for some cool Fantasy leagues. I entered and won F1 Rumors Fantasy F1 Kudos league last year with "AL Racing" and I've been searching for a similar game. It looks like Darrian Web uses the same rules. Anyway I'm signing up for that one (as AL Racing of course), and I'm hoping that F1 Rumors get thier league going also, but it doesn't look like it.

[This message has been edited by AL Racing (edited 05 March 2000).]

Nifty nostrils?????

Toth, who are your sponsors, Kleenex and Afrin Nasal Spray?

OK - we are Rydell's Rangers (Rickard is a relative) and we are Ready to Rumble!

FRENZY FOR WDC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If only I'd had $1 million more ...

Not sure that Fantasy F1 is up at F1 rumours, but you can always check

Sorry!!! The one through F1 Rumours (f1rumours.net) is a good one, I've been told it will run, but wasn't up a few days ago.

Indeed those are my sponsors. I had to change my team-name to attract more sponsors. "Plastic Curtain Racing" appeared to remind people of falling curtains.

Have entered both, plus special reserve's at http://f1fantasy.com with team name
Leeds United Champions 2000

I'm in on game #1 as Frenbari....go figure?????

Watch out for the "Red & Yellow Frenzy"

I have bankrolled my first pilote myself so the car will have only my name on it - I figure the bets I have out on him will more than pay to run the team this year.

My second pilote is sponsored by the Mario Andretti "Take No Prisoners" Driving School. And Dr. Dennis the Dentist.

Snafu Racing Team...(my old FF team has now gone big time!) Can anyone spare a million pounds or five?

Well KC Team Go Fast is up on the Fantasy F1 site. Watch out for waving Saltires!

I am also the same team name at the Speed King site.

[This message has been edited by KC (edited 08 March 2000).]

Gonk Racing Inc. is on the grid!!!!

HHF comes to this new team from Jordan, in a lucrative £2 million deal. Gene, a rising talent in F1, has handed his no. 1 status at Minardi to the Minardi fan, in order to take his place on the grid with Gonk Racing Inc.

Our chief sponsors are:

Kinder Surprise
Carol Vorderman
CB1 (Tourist knows what I'm on about)
Betty's World of PVC
The Jos Verstappen Gravel Supplies Centre
The David Coulthard Association for Hopeless Drivers.

:)

Gonk Racing Inc. is on the grid!!!!

HHF comes to this new team from Jordan, in a lucrative £2 million deal. Gene, a rising talent in F1, has handed his no. 1 status at Minardi to the Minardi fan, in order to take his place on the grid with Gonk Racing Inc.

Our chief sponsors are:

Kinder Surprise
Carol Vorderman
CB1 (Tourist knows what I'm on about)
Betty's World of PVC
The Jos Verstappen Gravel Supplies Centre
The David Coulthard Association for Hopeless Drivers.

:)

Oops.

Isn't that a 10 second penalty for double-post? Or perhaps it just means you're a lap up on us! :)

You wont get much money from the Jos Verstappen Gravel Supplies Center, Minardi fan. :)
He's on 8th after the first free practice session.
Jos "still" The Boss.

MinardiFan, your entry has been received.

EERO Berniestone

PS Is "Kinder Surprise" a meal? I have a great recipe for Toddler Fritatas.

A SUMMARY:

Game 1:www.fantasyf1.co.uk/index.html

EERO - Valhalla Team EERO
Gerard - Tulip Racing
Toth - The Nifty nostrils Team
Liz - Rydell's Rangers
David McManus-Leeds United Champions 2000
Schume - Frenbari
Neil C - Snafu Racing
KC - KC Team Go Fast
Minardi Fan- Gonk Racing Inc.

Game 2:www.sansworld.com/speedking/home.html

EERO - Valhalla Team EERO
AL Racing - AL Racing
Liz - Rydell's Rangers
David McManus-Leeds United Champions 2000

Minardi Fan- Gonk Racing Inc.

Did I get any wrong?

Enjoy the taste of my dust.

[This message has been edited by EERO (edited 11 March 2000).]

Due to lack of proper sponsorship and financing, Snafu racing is only competing in Race 1 :(

See you on the podium. Bring hankies, the rest of you! :)

So now how do we get our results? Nothing on the site seems to mention that.

Yes, I would like to know were to look at the results too.
I didn't too well however, since both Jordan's didn't finish and therefore 10 points are subtracted.

On the Darrian page, there's a link to results. a summary below, it seems Dave is our first round winner, Congrats Mr. MacManus, but don't get cocky, we'll catch you.

Leeds..2000 74 pts
Frenbari 44 pts
Rydells.. 37 pts
Tulip 34 PTS
Valhalla 32 pts
Nifty Nostrils 32 pts
KC 29 pts
Gonk 29 pts
Snafu -4 pts (That's MINUS 4 points, folks) Excellent work Neil!

Aha! My strategy is working perfectly! Write off SNAFU at your own risk!

Is there any prize for getting more minus points than the leader has positive? If not I better rethink my stealth strategy!

Eero, I think you forgot me! I have 88 p and is in 34 place! :) :)

Seems like you gys have some catching up to do! :D :D :D

I'm in 227th place. Wow!
I mean Ouch!
Well, at least there are still 223 teams eating my dust.

Sorry, Anders. My apologies. Of course the FIA may have just decided to discount your points for a front wing that was 20 cm too narrow, wide, high, low,... we'll think of something.

Actually, I just didn't think to look that high in the standings, I figured we were all destined to perform like Snafu.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by EERO:
On the Darrian page, there's a link to results. a summary below, it seems Dave is our first round winner, Congrats Mr. MacManus, but don't get cocky, we'll catch you.
(The name's McManus)
Leeds..2000 74 pts
Frenbari 44 pts
Rydells.. 37 pts
Tulip 34 PTS
Valhalla 32 pts
Nifty Nostrils 32 pts
KC 29 pts
Gonk 29 pts
Snafu -4 pts (That's MINUS 4 points, folks) Excellent work Neil!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Catch me - never, for I have the one and only Jenson Button in my team!
Thanks all, look forward to extending the lead at Interlagos, and if anyone wants personal tips, Farm Straight @ Silverstone Round 4 23/4/00. CU there


[This message has been edited by David McManus (edited 14 March 2000).]

Look out Anders, I'll catch up. I have the mighty J. Button!
Look forward to hammering you all again in Brazil.
Anyone else going to Silverstone and fancy a meet?
Seriously though, big lead after the top 2!

You'll need more than one Button to keep that statement air-tight! ;) ;) :D

[This message has been edited by AL Racing (edited 14 March 2000).]

Well, 216th is not brill, but just wait until those Jordans finish!

P.S. Is that position before or after Zonta moved up to 6th place? Can somebody who can add please tell me?

Mr. McMANUS, the stewards apologise, for the first and only time, beware the black flag.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by EERO:
Mr. McMANUS, the stewards apologise, for the first and only time, beware the black flag.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Oh dear, think of the time I'd lose with a 10 second stop-go penalty!

Kinder Surprise????

You know, one of the world's greatest confectionary treats. The egg with the toy in.

Yum!

(Plus the toy keeps me occupied for seconds, if not minutes....)

The Kinder Egg...a harmless chocolate egg with a cute toy inside. And their advertise slogan (atleast here in Sweden) is 3 wishes in one, something exciting, something you can play with, and chocolate.

Well I have a funny story about the "Kinder Suprise". I read it in a newspaper a long time ago. About a kid buying a Kinder Egg and was real excited about the toy suprise inside. He was in for an suprise allright, a whole bunch of small flies flew out from the egg when he opened it!

The company were terribly sorry and offered the kid a whole box of Kinder Eggs for his nasty experience! (oh no, no more flies!) ;)

Thank heavens, I was afraid we'd be trading recipes like a gang of Hannibal Lectors.

When did Kinder Surprise become relevant to Fantasy F1?
Off topic slightly!

Maybe it has something to do with Jensen Button. Give him five races and we will see.

UPDATE: I think I got 62 points today. But we will see.

[This message has been edited by Liz (edited 26 March 2000).]

I think I'm going back to the top
Thank you, Mr Button
Ignore this talented kid if you dare
Almost got a points finish in Melbourne
1 point at Interlagos
He'll be winning races by Monaco ;-)

With Ralf as my other driver (5th and 6th places) I should score enough points to have that lead.

ROLL ON IMOLA :-)

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by AL Racing:
3 wishes in one, something exciting, something you can play with, and chocolate.

;)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Is that Liz on a good day?

;)

Minardi Fan: in thy dreams. ;)

Scuse me while I go check my points, now that Frenzy has moved up a bit!

Up to 155!!!!!!! Yee ha!! FORZA JORDAN!

[This message has been edited by Liz (edited 27 March 2000).]

I've dropped 2 places, I'm currently 229.
Thank you very much Hakkinen. Not really!
I should have taken Jos the Boss.
My other driver Zonta didn't help me very much either this time, but I'll keep him for a while because Liz thinks he's cute.
Thank God the Jordans did well.
See you in San Marino.

Oh well, I'm not quite top yet.
Here are the positions after the Brazilian GP
(Overall position in competition (600 entrants)in brackets)

1 AL Racing 137 ( 54)
2 Nifty Nostrils 121 ( 89)
3 Leeds United ... 2000 111 (120)
4 Frenbari 107 (144)
5 Rydells Rangers 103 (155)
6 Valhalla Team EERO 96 (177)
7 Gonk Racing Inc. 85 (225)
8 Tulip Racing 84 (229)
9 KC Team Go Fast 60 (337)
10 Snafu Racing -9 (594)

Close at top wth just 41pts separating top 6 positions. Snafu dropping off and well outside the qualifying 107% for Imola! :D
Yes that is minus nine!
Congratulations AL for current top, It won't last long.
JENSON BUTTON FOR WDC!

[This message has been edited by David McManus (edited 28 March 2000).]

Zonta is surpassingly gorgeous. But I have to confess I would have taken the slightly less gorgeous but totally acceptable Jarno Trulli if I could have afforded him!

I was a bit worried about Frenzy for awhile there. But my boys will be good consistent pilotes and the Jordan can only keep getting better.

WOW,I'm second!!!

Congrats to AL, but they will be your last, I'm coming to get ya.

Y'all wont catch me! :) :D
When HHF,Gene, Ferrari and Honda will be even stronger come Imola. :D :p

Dilemma, dilemma!
Do I want Coulthard to get his points back or not.
As a human being I would have to say, yes.
But as a team manager (who's nothing like a human being) I would say, no way Jose!
Because of the disqualification of the McLaren, I climbed from 229 to 197 in the ranks.
Seems everyone in here gained some points, so if McLaren do get the points back, I suggest we all file a protest to the FIA.
It'll only cost us a couple of thousand dollars. :)

Thanks to DC's DQ, bump Rydell's Rangers up to No. 125.


FORZA YOU KNOW WHO!!!!!!! :D

Well, I've lost 3 places, but DC ain't getting his points back because AL Racing lost 6 places. I told you, race or not, I'm coming to get ya.

D'em Yellow cars are on the up - just watch out for Mr. Frentzen and Mr. Gene at Imola....

Gonk Racing Inc. is GO GO GO!

I lost 6 places??! Oh ssssugar! :) :D :D
I don't worry Toth, It's all part of my masterplan. ;)

[This message has been edited by AL Racing (edited 02 April 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David McManus:
Oh well, I'm not quite top yet.
Here are the positions after the Brazilian GP
(Overall position in competition (600 entrants)in brackets)

1 AL Racing 137 ( 54)
2 Nifty Nostrils 121 ( 89)
3 Leeds United ... 2000 111 (120)
4 Frenbari 107 (144)
5 Rydells Rangers 103 (155)
6 Valhalla Team EERO 96 (177)
7 Gonk Racing Inc. 85 (225)
8 Tulip Racing 84 (229)
9 KC Team Go Fast 60 (337)
10 Snafu Racing -9 (594)

Close at top wth just 41pts separating top 6 positions. Snafu dropping off and well outside the qualifying 107% for Imola! :D
Yes that is minus nine!
Congratulations AL for current top, It won't last long.
JENSON BUTTON FOR WDC!
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

These points are not including the disqualification of DC
They will be correct if DC regains his points tomorrow.
Should appeal fail, most people gain points and positions, and I will post modified results tomorrow evening
Big loser will be KC Team Go Fast, which included DC!
Everyone else start praying FIA uphold decision

If, when the result of DC's appeal is made public tomorrow, his points are returned, the points are as above.
If the disqualification remains, the standings will be as follows:
1 AL Racing 142 (60)
2 Nifty Nostrils 127 (92)
3 Leeds United (Have blown their chances of being) Champions 2000 120 (109)
4 Frenbari 116 (123)
5 Rydells Rangers 114 (125)
6 Valhalla Team EERO 100 (174)
7 Gonk Racing Inc. 92 (194)
8 Tulip Racing 91 (197)
9 KC Team Go Fast 36 (432)
10 Snafu Racing -9 (598)

Total entrants 609 therefore we have 8 in top 33%
Not bad going ... Roll on Imola Sunday

Sorry KC Team Go Fast, DCs appeal failed.
Good news for the rest of us, though!

Which goes to prove what all good punters know, that there's no such thing as a sure thing.

Except Frenzy of course. :)

Liz, you are right again. Will no-one else ever see the true champion of F1 to be HHF?

GO FRENTZEN!

Hope my previous posts make the standings clear.
I would like my team name changed to:
"Galatasaray - ban them from Europe"
if possible please, following the pre-match events in Istanbul.
Sorry if that constitutes being off-topic.

Gonk Racing Inc. wishes to put forward a steward's enquiry to enable to pass the blame for an utterley dismal San Marino GP onto some other poor loser.

This loser is Jenson Button. Whilst being hounded by the marvellously talented Marc Gene, he deliberately flicked a button on his steering wheel, causing his engine to go pop and spew oil all over the track. Marc did not know what happened.

I was hopeful for today's race - Gene was 8th in the warm-up. Button wrecked it.

Sod.

I was about to win $200 when Stupid DC passed Rubens in the pitlane. I WANT THIS PASSING IN THE PITLANE TYPE BEHAVIOUR STOPPED IMMEDIATELY! :)

Not a good day for Rydell's Rangers, except that our engines held up. It's sad when you have to shift all your championship hopes onto the pilote you hired for his looks.

NEWS FLASH FROM RACING CENTRAL:

"Email address received, paddock passes being arranged, some clearing
required in the garages, then your teams can be moved in.

What out for the press release... (hopefully in the next 8 days)


Regards.

Bill Westhead"

Load up them transporters, boys and girls, we are going RACING!

Minardi Fan, it is an OUTRAGE that you should choose to blame Poor Jenson for an engine explosion when our communal anger should so clearly be directed at:
GERHARD BERGER
Head of competition @ BMW!

I'LL BLAME ANYONE WHO TOOK MY MINARDI OUT OF THE RUNNING! GENE WAS ONE OF THE FASTEST MEN OUT THERE ON SUNDAY! WE COULD HAVE SCORED POINTS! DAMMNIT!

Here are the standings after the San Marino Grand Prix.

1. AL Racing........Al Racing...193 pts.(60)
2. Valhalla Team ...EERO........171 pts.(102)
3. Nifty nostrils...Toth........162 pts.(117)
4. Frenbari.........Schume......141 pts.(152)
5. Leeds United.....David.......116 pts.(236)
-. Tulip Racing.....Gerard......116 pts.(236)
7. Rydell's Rangers.Liz.........115 pts.(247)
8. Gonk Racing Inc..Minardi fan. 87 pts.(363)
9. KC Team Go Fast..KC.......... 79 pts.(404)
10.Snafu Racing.....NeilC....... 40 pts.(574)

nyuk, nyuk, nuk!

Welcome to the positive side of ZERO, Neil.

We at Rydell's Rangers will issue a press release as soon as we figure out whom to blame. :)

What a weekend.

I'm afraid we're peaking too early!!!-SNAFU Racing Team

As the team-manager of AL Racing I'm pleased to be on top after the third GP but it's a long season and anything can happen. We are looking forward to Silverstone. :D

No comment. :p

Oh damn, I feel like Rubens.
And indeed it is all Ron's fault. DQ all McLarens!!

Hello guys, do you accept new entries? Sorry, I've found this Competition just before Imola. My team is My cars go wrouuumm! and has 51 points (532).

Of course Red, join the fun!

Hey, Red, Welcome aboard; Valhalla Grand Prix Team EERO Welcomes the opportunity to annihilate another opponent as our Glorious Heroes continue upon their inevitable path toward World domination.

AL Racing, we have you in our sights.

Red, Liz has been contacted about creating a mini league for 10/tenth's members, I'll see if we can get you linked up.

Of course you can play, Red - I will pass your name on to be added to the Grid.

I think I ought to change the name of my team to "My Cars Go Nowhere." Except for the valiant Trulli dragging his car home in 6th, thus giving me Jordan points, it was a complete fiasco for Rydell's Rangers this weekend. We are joining Neil's Snafu Racing for the race to the bottom .... :(

Latest standings.

Here are the standings after the British Grand Prix.

1. AL Racing........Al Racing...214 pts.(90)
2. Valhalla Team ...EERO........194 pts.(123)
3. Nifty nostrils...Toth........185 pts.(155)
4. Leeds United.....David.......175 pts.(189)
5. Tulip Racing.....Gerard......157 pts.(241)
6. Frenbari.........Schume......148 pts.(262)
7. Rydell's Rangers.Liz.........130 pts.(319)
8. KC Team Go Fast..KC..........117 pts.(369)
9. Gonk Racing Inc..Minardi fan.102 pts.(425)
10.My cars go wroum.Red..........81 pts.(518)
11.Snafu Racing.....NeilC....... ?? pts.(???

Uppers:
Leeds United went up 47 places - Well done Sir. :D
KC Team Go Fast went up 35 places - Keep up the good work. :D
Our new member Red went up 14 places - Welcome Red, glad you have joined us. :D

Downers:
Snafu Racing dropped of the list, they only show the first 600, hence the question marks. - Snafu, where are you.... :confused:
Frenbari dropped 110 places - No excuses here :o
Rydell's Rangers dropped 72 places - Ah well, I forgive you. ;)
Gonk Racing Inc dropped 62 places - Get your thing together, lad. :(
Nifty Nostrils dropped 38 places - What to expect with such a name - :cool:
Al Racing dropped 30 places - Still our number one team. :)
Valhalla Team EERO dropped 21 places - Not that bad. :)
Tulip Racing dropped 5 places - Ditto. :)

Ha! Our stealth tactics have just been aided by the clever ruse of posting only the top 600.

Beware!

I am going down to the pit garage and kick some butts. A girl's gotta have SOMDE fun.

Oy gevalt. This by you is a racing team? Lucky for them they are so cute or I'd swap them all for Jean Alesi and run off with him.

P.S. thanks for the kind words Gerard, after the last two races I need them. *sniffle*

N.B. Red I have added your name and team to the MiniGrid and asked for an update on how he is coming along with it.

[This message has been edited by Liz (edited 25 April 2000).]

Again, thanks to Gerard and Liz for the updates.

Valhalla Team reasonably pleased with their performance this past weekend in the Britannia. We are looking forward to a Glorious Victory in Catalonia before we return to our Spiritual Homeland-the RaceCourse of the Gods,...
the NURBURGRING!!!

-Loki von Klenze, Valhalla Team EERO Press Officer


(Please note that Herr von Klenze has been in an Institution since 1968 and believes that the Nordschliefe is still in use. We apologise for any misunderstanding in this matter.

Oden von Pffuggenplatz, Chairman of the Bored, Valhalla Team EERO

Hi guys,
Well, I've sneacked into the site, and manually entered http://cgi.darrianweb.co.uk/cgi-bin/ff12000/f1league.pl?650 and found Neil's team:
11. Snafu Racing Team.....33 pts (631)
See you

PS: Thanks Liz. Where's this mini-grid?

[This message has been edited by Red (edited 25 April 2000).]

Damn your eyes, Red. My cover is blown!

Ooooops! :o Sorry!

Leeds United Aren't Champions 2000 Press Conference

Following Jenson Button's remarkable performance in his first home Grand Prix, and Ralf Schumacher's fourth, Leeds United Champions 2000 would like to announce their aims to be top come Malaysia. Making up 47 places per race means a top spot is just 5 Grands Prix away :D

Good luck the rest!!!

Following yet another disastrous weekend here at Gonk Racing Inc. HQ, serious work will go into the cars for Baaaaarthelona and beyond. Making them go quicker than Takagi in a 1998 Tyrrell would be good for starters. DAMN.

Hmmm, hopes are slightly higher for Spain due to new engines for Minardi and then of course the return to the hallowed tarmac of the Nurburgring.....

This just in from Gonk Racing Inc. headquarters, from press officer Mimmo Schiaterella:

"Gonk Racing Inc. have had two fairly disappointed over the last few races, namely due to gearboxes deciding they like going quickly all the time and our drivers being poorly (poor Gaston). However, the team is looking forward to Barthelona where our Fondmetal engines are due to have a little boost from the good men at Minardi....
Gonk Racing Inc. would also like to fuel the rumours of the used AP02s being painted yellow and replacing both Rydell's Rangers' cars and our own lovely Gonk Racing Inc. cars."

:mad:

Anders Lundell team manager for AL Racing:

"This weekend wasn't good for AL Racing, but where still ahead in the Mini-League. Sadly Heinz-Harald had a gearbox failure and Rubens and hydrolic failure. But Michael drove a solid race and came in third. We are looking forward to Spain."

Red, the MiniGrid is being set up by the same guys who run the Big Board Grid where we are now. We are going to have a 10=Tenths Minigrid on their site with only our teams on it as soon as he gets it set up.

Rydell's Rangers Press Release:

After a private session with their team owner, Rydell's Rangers are unavailable for comment as they are spending the next two weeks finding activities they can do standing up.

The team is offering reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of whoever substituted repainted AP02s for our beloved and reliable Jordans. We are also looking to hire an engineer who can design the Self-Healing Gearbox.

Wow, that's nice! It looks like a new Concorde Agreement! Shall we invite Mr. Bernie to join the party :D? I was afraid that with a minileague we will not have too many "overtaking opportunities", but as I looked closer I've noticed pretty decent fights!

Good result for M.C.G. Wroumm, although it could be much better. Unfortunately one of our engines went boom-boom, not wroumm. :(

Still third, well that's something. But I'll be back...

Rydell's Rangers Press Release:

"A better weekend for our gallant team - showing the value of some judicious and well-aimed kicking; one engine failed to finish but otherwise everyone slogged valiantly home. The team wishes to thank BabyButton for dropping his engine just in time to give the lovely and talented HHF (well one out of two ain't bad) a Jordan Point. We are on song for half the points we had last year, but the season is still young ... Also kudos to the L&T Ricardo for making up places and not falling off the track."

VALHALLA TEAM EERO

Press Release;
Filed from the Royal Hospital for the Criminally Insane, Oslo, Norway

This past weekend showed great promise for our glorious drivers, having secured the pole and a brilliant ninth spot on the grid.

Herr De La Rosa's unfortunate penalty dropped him to the back of the Grid were he was forced to attempt to pass our hereditary Gallic Enemies. Due to sly and devious French Tricks, our visionary Driver was punted from the track.
We believed that TGF had the race under control when the"lollipop man', choosing to scratch himself at an inopportune moment, creating a chain reaction which will end with his banishment to the Salt Mines.

We are looking forward to continung our path toward World Domination at the Nurburing.

-Loki von Klenze
Press Officer, Vallhalla Team EERO

My Car Go Wroummm
Post-race press-release
Our team manager, disappointed by the result, resigned this afternoon. (He already forwarded a resume for that lollipop-man opportunity)
But we take an optimistic approach: it could be worse.

Please see above new post for this week's great thought regarding Our League.

SNAFU Racing has announced a radical shake-up in their organization.

"From this point on, our drivers will be replaced with grid girls. While the results are not expected to improve, they couldnt get much worse. Plus, the grid girls will be easier (wink, wink) to console."

TULIP RACING PRESS RELEASE:

DAISY FLOWERPOT, TEAM MANAGER:
We are extremely happy with the results of the Spanish Grand Prix.
The team did an excellent job today, providing Hakkinen the tools to win his first race of the season.
We are also very happy with the progress Zonta made during the race.

MIKA HAKKINEN, NUMBER ONE DRIVER:
Uh...(long pause)...uh (even longer pause)...Yes! I think. What was the question?

RICARDO ZONTA, NUMBER TWO DRIVER:
I startet 17th on the grid and finished 8th.
Unfortunately, that was all I could do. I was hoping some more drivers would retire in front of me, but they didn't.
Better luck next time.

ROSE BROWN, CHIEF TECHNICAL ENGINEER:
The Jordan-notsoSupertec did reasonably well today although something strange happened. The car finished the race in 6th place but the last of our engines went out in the 20th lap. Can you believe that?
Ofcourse you can, this is Fantasy Grand Prix.

We at AL Racing will delay our press release until the official results comes out.

The nifty nostrils sneeze again:

This was a most mysterious weekend for our team. The FIA did, as usual, everything to make sure TGF wins. Therefor they the made one of our orange cars stall in the pit. They were obviously afraid the bright colour would startle TGF and allow something impossible, like Rubens overtaking him, to happen.
Our other orange car was taken care of by the Fiery Frenchman. Jean Alesi quickly unscrewed Pedro's front wing as the latter tried to pas him, causing a crash.

All this is strange because our Orange cars are being driven by: Micheal Schumacher. How can you make Micheal win if you destroy his car? You can't

We therefore fully expect the FIA to disqualify the McLarens, allowing us to take our position at the top of the table as promised.

Has anyone calculated the points for the Spanish GP? I notice the Grid Guy has not yet.

Also I'm going to run our standings and press releases in the Newsletter this week if you are agreed - anybody who does NOT want his PR run should let me know. Also if you want to make changes that's okay.

Eero, I am so glad you thought of this!

Team.............................Owner.........Total...This race...Before
1.Al Racing..........................Al Racing.....279............65.....214
2.Tulip Racing......................Gerard........243............86.....157
3.Valhalla Team EERO..............EERO.........220............26.....194
4.Leeds United Champions 2000..David.........196............21.....175
5.Rydell's Rangers...................Liz............195............65.....130
6.The nifty nostrils team...........Toth..........187.............2.....185
7.Frenbari............................Schume......183............35.....148
8.KC Team Go Fast..................KC............175............58.....117
9.Gonk Racing Inc...................Minardi fan..150............48.....102
10.My Cars Go Wroummm...........Red...........131............50......81
11.Snafu Racing Team...............Neil C..........46............13......33

There were some stop'n go penalties, but I don't remember who (I can recall only Mazzacane, but he doesn't count). I've counted points for gaining and losing places for every driver. (I mean not only the first 10)

Here's the rules I applied:

Pos...Driver..Chassis..Engine
1.........30........20........12
2.........25........15........10
3.........20........12.........8
4.........18........10.........7
5.........16 ........8.........6
6.........14..........6.........5
7.........12..........4.........4
8.........10..........3.........3
9. ........8.. ........2.........2
10.........6..........1.........1

10 Points bonus for the driver who records Fastest Lap. +2 points for a position gained, -1 points for one lost. -10 for stop'n go and black flag (was not the case)

10 points for both cars finishing (again, in my calculations doesn't matter whether they score points or not), -10 for a double DNF.

I hope I didn't make any mistakes.

Obs: Good overtakings!
Gerard - from 5 to 2 (nice move mister!)
Liz - from 7 to 5 (good job Liz!)

[This message has been edited by Red (edited 11 May 2000).]

Red, I thought I got 70 points in Spain. Only 16 points for pilotes when Zonta made up 9 places on the grid - shouldn't I get 18 points for him alone? And Frenzy squeeked into 6th place so I think I get 16 points for him too. Am I missing something here? (It is entirely possible ... )

But anyway thanks for doing all that arithmetic. That kind of thing makes my head ache. :)

[This message has been edited by Liz (edited 11 May 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Liz (edited 11 May 2000).]

Yes, I made mistakes. Sorry.....
Jeez, I meade mistakes again. I'll be back in a minute

[This message has been edited by Red (edited 11 May 2000).]

No Liz, it was correct:

Driver 1: Frentzen: 14p (6 place)
Driver 2: Zonta: 10p (8place)
Part total: 24

Bonuses:
Driver 1: Frentzen: 4 (gaining 2 pos)
Driver 2: Zonta: 18 (9 pos)
Part total: 46

Chassis:
Heinz's Jordan: 6 (6 place)
Truli's Jordan: 0 (12 place)
Part total: 52

Engine:
Zonta's BAR:3
Jax' BAR:0
Part total: 55

Both Jordans finished: 10p
Total: 65

Yep, well done by me! :)
I told my number one driver, Mika, to concentrate on racing and stop all this talking he does.

That Mika, what a chatterbox he is! :)

Thanks Red, it was my arithmetic that was wrong. I added points for Trulli's finishing, I think. Sorry for all the extra work.

[This message has been edited by Liz (edited 11 May 2000).]

waow, I can't believe I'm still in the lead in the Mini-League, the last two races have been miserable! :confused:
:D :D

Roll on Nurburgring!



[This message has been edited by AL Racing (edited 12 May 2000).]

It was nothing, Liz. I've wrote a small piece of software and we can use it for the rest of the season if the chairman of Fantasy FIA is unavailable due to exams situation. It was a good opportunity to check the algorithm.

Wow, you know words like "algorithm"? I am impressed! :D

I'm sure we will all appreciate the updates.

Leeds United Champions 2000 Press Officer David McLeary has issued the following press release following the Spanish Grand Prix
"Well the lads are still young and its gonna be a long season, we'll be top with 3 races to go but will slump and finish 3rd"

Following technical difficulties (which have nothing to do with a lollipop man) the e-mail address in my 10 thenths profile don't work at the moment. Can you amend my e-mail address for the mini-grid/newsletter to Brian.McManus@btinternet.com and re-send me anything that may have appeared post-Spain?

I'll Pass the word along. Anyway I don't think anything has come out post-Spain. Except what Red has kindly posted above.

The results after Spain are finally online, it took a while though.

Mini League standings:

1. AL Racing/AL Racing.............268pts...75th place
2. Tulip Racing/Gerard..............242pts...140th place
3. L U C 2000/David.................213pts...201th place
4. Valhalla Team EERO/EERO........210pts...210th place
5. Rydell's Rangers/Liz..............188pts...272th place
6. Frenbari/Schume..................180pts...288th place
7. KC Team Go Fast/KC..............148pts...375th place
8. Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan....129pts...431th place
9. My cars go wrouuumm!/Red......107pts...507th place
10. Snafu Racing/NeilC................???pts...???th place

Tulip Racing are on the move, up 101 places! - Closing rapidly, great work! :eek:
Rydell's Rangers gained 47 places - the Rangers on a mission to success! :)
AL Racing went up 15 places. - Still looking good :D
My cars go wrouuumm! is slowly catching us, went up 11 places. - wrouuum indeed! :)

Valhalla Team EERO dropped a mighty 87 places! - Oh dear... ;)
Leeds United lost 12 places. - not too bad :)
KC Team Go Fast went down 26 places - maybe not as "Go Fast" as espected ;)
Frenbari and Gonk Racing Inc. both lost 6 places - still pretty Gonk good :cool:

And for Snafu Racing,seems like the stealth tactict is working fine ;)

[This message has been edited by AL Racing (edited 19 May 2000).]

Ooooooops! Does not look like my table! Where did I go wrong?
Sorry.

I like yours better, Red! :)

Yep, mee too! And I didn't even counted the points for qualifying position! (missed that part of the Sporting Regulation :o). I was veeeerry generous! I think that guy should let me make the standings. Within the next two-three races we would lap all the rest of the grid! :D

Neil, will you ever forgive me for blowing your cover again? :D :o
659 Snafu Racing Team ..........39 pts

Al, let's not forget Toth:
233 The nifty nostrils team ...201 pts (down 78 pos...auch)

A last mention: the competition is increasing rapidly. There are now 712 teams.

Well, I am ahead of the Midfield anyway, which is not bad. However, my team did not do me any favours in qualifying. Frenzy will have to change his nickname to Sleepy if he doesn't get off his bum and move that thing up the grid!

oupps, you're right Red, sorry Toth I must have slipped on the keyboard, I know I looked up The nifty nostrils team.

Off topic (a little)
Does anyone know what the world record for longest single thread on a bulletin board is?
What about the 10 tenths record?
Are we close yet?

Nope, the topic related to Gun Laws in Gravel Trap forum is 8 pages long already. But we will, yes we will, as we're not at the middle of the season yet!
World-wide I have no idea. Hey, Guiness Book guys, can you help us on this?

Rydell's Rangers have nothing to say, as they are in seclusion somewhere their owner cannot possibly find them - they hope.

Absolute disaster, thy name is Rydell's Rangers.

Non non non! Absolute disaster = Gonk Racing Inc.

3 out the 4 drivers retired, HHF and Trulli were the first two.

Still, Mazzacane made up a mighty THIRTEEN places (count 'em) during the race. Wow.

Press officer Sue Barker had this to say:

"Gonk Racing Inc. is naturally disappointed with it's current results in the Ten-Tenths Mini League. However, we would like to say that the team looks forward to Monaco with a tinsy-winsy bit of hope. It's not our fault that yellow cars are out of favour with Max and Bernie right now ;) - why else WOULD THEY KEEP RETIRING/QUALIFYING BADLY/BLOWING UP/SPINNING OFF????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

At this point the lovely Sue, who can soon be seen hosting the BBC's coverage of Wimbledon (wow that made us £1.99 in sponsorship cash), went on the rampage, attacking several people, including the lovely Erja, with a small piece of Minardi chassis.

The court case begins on Tuesday.

*ahem*

Leeds United Champions 2000 press officer David McLeary has issued the following press release following the European Grand Prix:

"Well, the drivers are still too young to win the 10 10ths mini grid, but Ralf Schumacher clearly tried to avoid contact with Eddie Irvine, who still has not contacted the team to apologise for unceremoniously dumping our driver out of a race, when he was in with a chance of a good result. The enquiry continues into Button's continual mechanical defects, particularly following the driver's excellence performances on new tracks. However, lack of experience will show at the end of the season, and we will finish in a mid table position"

Gonk Racing can take consolation in the fact that they got something and somebody home.

No car, no engine and no driver associated with Rydell's Rangers made it home.

The only point we got is the lowly one point for Frenzy placing TENTH in qualifying.

Feh. Exit owner of team, breathing fire.

Tulip racing is still going strong.
Our number one driver finished 2nd and our number two made up some places.
Both cars didn't finish although the engine came in 6th. (huh?)

first I've got to say:
Verstappen: yes, go boy, yahoooooo
Irvine: BOOOOOOOO, ssshhhh, go away, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


Press conference will follow when I'm a bit less emotional (like in 5 months). BAD IRVINE, IRVINE FOOL.

"The later part of our 'all or nothing' strategy is working perfectly"-SNAFU Racing

F.F.I.A. standings after Europe GP:

<OL TYPE=1>
<LI>AL Racing/AL Racing...............309 pts...100th place
<LI>The nifty nostrils team ............284 pts...148th place
<LI>Tulip Racing/Gerard................272 pts...168th place
<LI>Valhalla Team EERO/EERO.........253 pts...207th place
<LI>L U C 2000/David...................232 pts...245th place
<LI>Frenbari/Schume...................183 pts...353th place
<LI>Rydell's Rangers/Liz................179 pts...358th place
<LI>KC Team Go Fast/KC...............160 pts...411th place
<LI>My cars go wrouuumm!/Red.......158 pts...415th place
<LI>Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan.....123 pts...500th place
<LI>Snafu Racing/NeilC...................36 pts...691th place
</OL>

Goin' up:
My cars go wrouuumm!.....92 pos (without false modesty, we really go Wrouuummm! :D :D)
The nifty nostrils team ....85 pos (How's the air up there in second place? :D)
Valhalla Team EERO..........3 pos (Good comeback after -87 in Spain! :))

Oh dear!
AL Racing....................25 pos
Tulip Racing.................28 pos
Snafu Racing Team.........32 pos
KC Team Go Fast...........36 pos
L U C 2000...................44 pos

OohLaLaLaLaLaLaaaaaa!
Frenbari......................65 pos
Gonk Racing Inc.............69 pos
Rydell's Rangers.............86 pos

Anders, Team Manager of AL Racing:

"Bad luck for our drivers Frentzen and Gene, we need to improve our realibility but I'm sure feel will find the solutions in testing before Monaco. We're happy with our 1 and fourth place with our Ferrari chassis but we still wanted to do better this wekeend. We are obviously happy to still be in the lead of the Mini-League even if it's getting a bit tight at the front."

Sue Barker, from her prison cell, had this to say for Gonk Racing Inc.:

"It's not our fault 3 of our 4 drivers retired, two being the first two out!!!!! DAMMNIT! The one consolation we do have from this weekend is the plummeting positions of Rydell's Rangers. Ha ha hardy ha ha ha."

Vahalla Team EERO
Press Release. Dateline; Corfu
VTE wishes to acknowledge its late response to its Glorious drivers superb showings this past weekend. Herr Schumacher continued his march toward World Domination and Herr De La Rosa put in a superb performance.

Our elation led to a grand celebration at the Schloss EERO Sunday night which culminated in a grand Bonfire and Fireworks Exhibition.

We hope to move the team into temporary quarters until the factory is rebuilt, thankfully, the transporters should be repaired and repainted by the time we leave for Monaco.

Loki von Klenze, P.O.
Vallhalla Team EERO

The four members of Rydell's Rangers have faxed their abject apologies from a Kinko's in Tuba City, but Interpol was too late to round them up and have them deported, and they are believed to be heading for Beckley, where they will spend the next two weeks rebuilding Yellow Cars. They have all promised to be very very good boys from Monaco on, and we have every hope that Honda's suggestions of hara-kiri were only in jest ...

Upon receipt of a new shippment of handbags, the Rangers plan to challenge Gonk Racing to meet them at dawn on the Nuremburgring ...

Bjorn Bork Bork Bork
Public Relations, Rydell's Rangers

Brought to you directly from the Nifty Nostrils PR mansion, in technicolor (where available):

Sing Glory, Sing Halleluja. Even with Eddie Irvines idiocracy Team Nifty Nostrils has risen from the bottemless depths.

Our no.2 driver Jos the Boss provided a brilliant spectacle, holding off a couple of guys in vastly superior cars. It took something special to bring an end to his display of mastership of the automobile. Something special was delivered in the person of Eddie Irvine, who, as expected, destroyed The Flying Dutchman's chance of a high finish for the second time in his carreer ('94 or something?). The Wrath of Kahn upon you.

Our no.1, Schumi 1 for friends, did not disappoint. We expected nothing less than sheer brilliance and we certainly got it. Nothing less than a win would be appropiate, and therefor, we got it.

All this secured a second spot in the standings. A mere second, and a spot too. But our cars have only finished four times this season, and things show promise. Team AL Racing is invited to hand over the lead position and everyone behind my: HAHAHA, EAT MY DUST.

I love this game!!!!



[This message has been edited by Toth (edited 24 May 2000).]

Rydell's Rangers breathe a sigh of relief as it looks like the ransom has been paid and the rebadged, repainted AP02s are gone and we have our beloved Jordans back again. We congratulate Herr Frenzen for his heroic dash to the front today, notwithstanding that bloke in the Green Car who didn't hear our siren, I suppose ... http://ten-tenths.accelerator.org/ubb/wink.gif

We take consolation in the fact that Rico usually makes up a lot of places in the actual race and hope very much he doesn't have as bad a race as he had a qualifying session. It's lucky for him he is so cute or by now he'd be hitch-hiking back to Brazil.

Standings after the Monaco GP:

1. AL Racing/AL Racing...............341 pts...place 125
2. Tulip Racing/Gerard...............303 pts...place 197
3. Valhalla Team EERO/EERO...........301 pts...place 202
4. The nifty nostrils team ..........291 pts...place 212
5. L U C 2000/David..................237 pts...place 329
6. KC Team Go Fast/KC................235 pts...place 332
7. Frenbari/Schume...................210 pts...place 380
8. Rydell's Rangers/Liz..............197 pts...place 419
9. My cars go wrouuumm!/Red..........168 pts...place 500
10.Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan......137 pts...place 575
11.Snafu Racing/NeilC................114 pts...place ???

[This message has been edited by Gerard (edited 04 June 2000).]

Neil is catching fast. He's now on 619 place, out of 720. It looks like he's leaving the dark side of the moon!

M.C.G. Wroumm-Post race press release

Our team manager elaborated a race strategy for Monte Carlo by betting all team's funds on number three and red. Unfortunately, the ball stopped on two. Black. (*sigh*)

On the other hand, we are the absolute winners of this round, with 85 places dropped. (LUC 2000 comes close, 84).

Leeds United Champions 2000 Press Officer David McLeary has issued the following press release:
"Well, after a refreshing week on holiday on the exotic Isle of Wight, i returned just in time to see an apalling qualifying session by no1 driver Ralf Schumacher, and an even worse one by Jenson Button. Sunday morning, morale was so low, I contemplated not watching the race, and after Jensons coming together with the Arrows at the Grand Hotel hairpin, I saw the inevitable large drop coming. Optimism rose at the third start as Ralf appeared to have mastered overtaking on the narrow streets. However, Mika Hakkinen has taken over from Eddie Irvine as public enemy #1 in the Leeds United Champions 2000 garage. Why did he have to choose that exact moment to pull out of the pits, leaving Ralf unsighted into the corner. The least said about JB's race, which was slightly shorter than expected, the better! We look forward to better results in montreal, and hope to re-establish the team as title challengers just in time to overtake whoever leads after Japan during the Sepang race. See you all in Canada!

Rydell's Rangers Press Release:

After a very promising qualifying and half a valiant race, Rydell's Rangers folded early and were off to the showers taking most of the team's bankroll with them. Or in Frenzy's case, for an early bath in Monaco Bay, which I hope woke him up enough so he could walk home, leaving his car stuffed into the wall and Rubens to take his 2nd place trophy home....

A valiant race by Jarno as long as his car held together, and Kudos again to the photogenic Rico for making up places from 20 to 9 before he crashed out and walked home too. At least you are trying, sweetheart. Keep pedaling.

Thank you, Jacques, for at least bringing one engine home.

For further updates you may find us in the Hotel Mirabeau Bar for the next two weeks.

Bjorn Bork Bork Bork
Team Manager

Royal Hospital for the Criminally Insane
Oslo, Norway

(6 June 2000)

We are roasting our race engineers over the exhaust systems of Herr Schumacher's Ferrari to give them a taste of their own incompetence.

We are certain this error will not recur.

We expect nothing less than than TOTAL VICTORY in Montreal, where our spiritual leader and founder will be in attendence.

We sharpen our weapons, burn offerings and smear ourselves with sacred bear grease-

On to Montreal!!!

Loki von Klenze
Press officer

This just in from newly-convicted jailbird Sue Barker:

"Gonk Racing Inc. would like to say that it is no way responsible for the retirement of all of it's cars and drivers at the Monaco Grand Prix. However, we are pressing charges against the FIA (this means YOU Bernie) for running a Renault Clio race before the F1 race, leaving all that dust at St. Devote and making Gaston and Heinz drive into the armco. Another disatrous weekend yes, but we feel confident (well, not very) for Montreal. And I AM INNOCENT. THE OTHER ***** STARTED IT."

At this point, Sue was restrained by a guard looking remarkably similar to Heniz Harald Frentzen.

Thankyou.

Leeds United Champions 2001 (Clutching at straws!) Press Officer David McLeary had this to say after the Montreal Race
"NO COMMENT"

Here are the standings after the Canadian GP:

1. AL Racing/AL Racing...............395 pts...place 116
2. The nifty nostrils team/Toth......371 pts...place 163
3. Tulip Racing/Gerard...............363 pts...place 171
4. Valhalla Team EERO/EERO...........334 pts...place 217
5. KC Team Go Fast/KC................241 pts...place 381
6. Frenbari/Schume...................228 pts...place 408
7. L U C 2000/David..................227 pts...place 411
8. Rydell's Rangers/Liz..............225 pts...place 416
9. My cars go wrouuumm!/Red..........208 pts...place 458
10.Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan......149 pts...place 598
11.Snafu Racing/NeilC................104 pts...place 681
--------------------------------------------------------

Conclusions after the Canadian GP:

AL Racing still leading the pack, collecting 54 points and moving up 9 places.
The nifty nostrils team did very well, gaining a massive 80 points, moving up 49 places and to second in our mini league.
Tulip Racing added 60 points and up 26 places.
Valhalla Team EERO gained 33 points but went down 15 places.
KC Team Go Fast got 6 points and down 49 places.
Frenbari collected 18 points but down for 28 places.
Leeds United must have had an off day, minus 10 points and lost 82 places.
Rydell's Rangers had to sort things out on their own since their team boss found it necessary to go on a holiday to France (for all places) but still managed to collect 28 points and 3 places.
My cars go vrouuumm! added 40 points to their total and upped 42 places.
Gonk Racing Inc. gathered 12 points but lost 23 places.
Snafu Racing als minus 10 points and can now be found at the 681st spot.

End of message.

Sue Barker (who can shortly be seen hosting the BBC's coverage of Wimbledon) had this to say, from her straightjacket:

"Gonk Racing Inc. would like to moan once more as it's driver Heinz-Harald Frentzen decided to retire AGAIN. Look people, it's not our fault. We just pick the team in good faith. Geez, the guy scored like 60 points last season. How many does he have at the moment?? 5?? At least Gene was classified and Gaston had a good run to 12th. Oh dammnit WE'RE DOOMED."

Team Tulip Racing's decision to hire Mika Hakkinen as their number one driver seems to be a huge disappointment to a substantial segment of the racing fans.

Initially we were looking for a driver of large spirit and impeccable personal character. And who has the speed as well.

At long last, we thought, here was a potential world champion candidate who might rise above the level of competitiveness Tulip Racing has had so far.

Unfortunately, due to circumstances of a psychological nature, Mika Hakkinen no longer seems to be the same driver we welcomed into our team at the beginning of the season.

It's therefore with great reluctance Team Tulip Racing has to announce that Mika Hakkinen has been released from his contract, wich wasn't binding in the first place.
We're not mad, you know!

The team's second driver Ricardo Zonta will from the French Grand Prix onwards be considered as our new number one driver.

Mika Hakkinen will be replaced by Bobo, a 6 year old gregarious anthropoid ape with the name Pan Troglodytes.
Pan is from tropical Africa and a member of the famous Troglodytes racing family.
His family is well known for their humanlike behavior and high degree of intelligence.
We are sure Pan will do fine within our team.

Zonta = Chimpanzee.

See the pattern Gerard???

;)

Yep! ;)

After a surprising windfall of points from the Monaco race, we are happy to report that we have once again assumed our more comfortable role as backmarker.

But beware: the objects in your mirror are larger than they appear.-R.J. Squirrel, Team Manager and Caterer, SNAFU Racing, Limited (very)

Press Release from Rydell's Rangers:

The Team Manager came home from France to find that someone had been stirring the soup while she was away - the always adorable Zonta having qualified 8th and found it a happy location where he stayed until the end ... the rapidly balding Jacques trying to emulate his famous father by holding up a lot of fast cars til the end of the race, but erring as he skated happily into the sunset leaving everyone else to carry on ... when last heard from Frenzy was trudging off to the sunset looking as if he hoped no one would recognize him. Keep driving like that, sweetheart, and you will soon get your wish.

All in all, the report of this weekend was much easier to take because the manager had to read it in French.

We look forward to whatever race it is that comes next. If anyone sees Frenzy, tell him he's doomed. Next year we plan to sell you all and buy a sports car team.

Bjorn Bork Bork Bork
Dispirited Team Manager.

AL Racing Press Release

Being still unchallenged in the Mini-League ;) we are of course very happy but I feel that we can do better. The on-two for our Ferrari chassis were great but Heinz really needs to finish a score some points. The same goes for Gene. We had great hopes for our Honda engine running 2 and 4th at one stage but some mistakes in the rain spoiled a great finish. But we are sure to do even better to extent our Mini-Leauge lead. :)

Anders, Team Manager

Team Nifty Nostrils official post-race statement:

Once again our engines did not last the full race distance. This didn't stop our drivers from finishing however. Mr. Schumacher once again showed his value, if he could just qualify a bit further down...
Driver no. 1b, Jaws Verstappen finally proved his skill, negotiations with the almighty Lord of Rain are in an advanced stadium and performances like this will occur with much greater frequency now.
A top result for this race would be ours if it wasn't for Diniz (boooo, go away). He violently flung his vehicle against that of the other Pedro. A mighty spanking would be very appropiate.

everything else, fine I guess

grts.

The pressdude

What if Pedro enjoys his spanking? And will it be available on video? I heard Liz enjoys that kind of thing.

;)

Although I was at a higher form of racing this weekend (ahem!) I hear that Pedro was not the only one who received a sound thrashing - poor Jacques also received the sharp edge of Uncle Ron's tongue in addition to the whuppin' offered by the Stewards for daring to keep the Ferraris and McLarens from boring everyone stupid from Lap 1.

I have no time to attend these festivities, as I am busy thrashing my own team.

Press Release
Royal Hospital for the Criminally Insane, Oslo, Norway


VICTORY!!!!!!!

NyahNyahNyah :p


Herr Schumacher will be invited into the PANTHEON of the GODS at season's end, taking his rightful place alongside Hermann, Blucher, Charlemagne and Carracciolla.

Herr De La Rosa has proven himself to be fast and we are delighted with his progress. Our priests are casting spells upon Pedro Diniz" effigy.

GLORY IS OURS!

Loki
Valhalla Team EERO-Press Officer

Providing Villeneuve doesn't mess things up again, Leeds United Champions 2000 are looking forward to a great race in France tomorrow. Ralf in 5th and Button in tenth bode well for Sunday, and a podium finish isn't out of reach for Ralf. I will be at the Castle Combe 50th anniversary meeting, so my press release will be delayed until I've seen the race!

Here are the standings after the French GP:

1. AL Racing/AL Racing...............464 pts...place 97
2. Tulip Racing/Gerard...............419 pts...place 141
3. The nifty nostrils team/Toth......371 pts...place 219
4. Valhalla Team EERO/EERO...........335 pts...place 276
5. KC Team Go Fast/KC................287 pts...place 370
6. Rydell's Rangers/Liz..............269 pts...place 402
7. Frenbari/Schume...................267 pts...place 409
8. L U C 2000/David..................260 pts...place 428
9. My cars go wrouuumm!/Red..........218 pts...place 507
10.Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan......186 pts...place 574
11.Snafu Racing/NeilC.................99 pts...place 705
--------------------------------------------------------

Tulip Racing Press Release after the French Grand Prix.

As stated in our last press release, Tulip Racing was going to enter the French Grand Prix with drivers Zonta and Bobo Pan, the fastest ape on earth.
However, because of a slight mistake from our team - we forgot to order a shipload of banana's - Bobo refused to take part.
Fortunately, our ex-driver Mika was still available.
It seemed he couldn't find another drive because of his huge demands, something to do with a pallet load of Kleenex and a midwife.
Therefore, forced by circumstances, Tulip Racing decided to re-hire Mika and fair is fair, he surprised us with a second place.
Both Jordans finished, we're still happy with Zonta, and we're looking forward to the Austrian Grand Prix.

This just in from NEW press officer Louise Goodman!!!!

"Gonk Racing Inc. are quite pleased with this weekend's racing. Both Gene and Frentzen finished, albeit out of the points, as did the 'other' Jordan IN the points. Not bad, not bad. We are comfortably consolidating our position of 10th in the championship, pulling away from those idiots behind us ;) and gaining slowly on the other idiots (My cars go vrrrrrrrrrrrrrroum) in front of us ;). Overall, we are quite chuffed. Only quite. Not overly impressed. Could have been better. But still not down and out. In the middle. Should I stop waffling now?"

James Allen: "YES!"
Murray: "YES!"
Martin: "YES!"
Minardi fan: "YES!"
Katayama: "YES!"
EJ: "YES!"
Mr. Minardi: "YES!"
Ricardo Zonta: "It wasn't my fault - honest."
Jim 'n' Tony: "YES!"
Liz: "YES!"
Gerard: "YES!"
JYS: "YEEEEES!"
Johnny: "YES! Come back - the bed's getting cold..."

;)

Note: Sue Barker, our previous Press officer, is on a short holiday, whilst doing sterling work hosting Wimbledon on the first of the UK's TV channels. Plus she has a lap-dancing club to perform at tomorrow night.

From the Clubroom at Rydell's Rangers:

We are quite pleased with our cars and pilotes today and have agreed to let all of them stay up and watch the CART race tonight without taking notes. Except Zonta, who was sent to bed early due to his unexpected and unexplained one-man foray into the dirt as First Man Off today. Rico, you are a very naughty boy and the Team Owner will have a word to say to you in due course. Praise to Frenzy and Jarno for dragging the cars home - and yes, Jarno, we will hide you until Alesi's pills take effect - and to Jacques for bringing one engine home whole and in its right mind.

We look forward to the next race - but having had the Honda Works Engine announced for next year, we look forward even more to next year.

Bjorn Bork Bork Bork
Race Publicity, Engineer, and
Custodian of the Handcuffs.

Our team manager has expressed his satisfaction and surprise for scoring plus ten points, after a disappointing weekend. Unfortunately, one of our engines went Kaboummm, again, while our second driver and yellow chassis were nowhere to be seen. Once again, but this is not a surprise anymore.

However, he has spoken against the mind games:

"All this psychology does not wash with us," he said. "They can say what they like. They can try all the mind games and the psychological warfare, but we will just keep plugging away. We do not fear anybody. The championship is a long way from being finished. We will battle to win the constructors' championship, it is still wide open."

Louise Goodman had this also to say:

"They're still idiots."

;)

Short 'n simple:

both drivers: DNF
both cars: DNF
one engine: DNF
one finish: 12th

I feel like Alain Prost, only without his money and racing carreer.
:(

"We are never going back to that Mangy Cur track again."-SNAFU Racing

A Fishing smack, near the Faroe Islands 3 Jully 2000

I have made my escape just as the attendents were coming to take me for shock therapy.

Valhalla team EERO is disheartened about their current turn of affairs. We shall regroup and arrive in Austria ready to do battle. I must sign off now, the U-boat is surfacing.

On to Austria.


Loki von Klenze

Bayreuth, Bavaria

The Gods shall summon their anger for this despicable showing today. Herr Schumacher shall be avenged.

Our one bright note was the brilliant drive by Herr De La Rosa until the untimely demise of his gearbox.

We return to Germany in two weeks, looking for that elusive victory.

Valhalla Team EERO must NOT find itself challenging SNAFU for the bottom of the field.

Loki von Klenze
Valhalla Team EERO Press Officer

Zonta has a lot to answer for! First driver/engine (Ralf and his BMW) gets stuck in the multi-car pile up on turn 1, damages his nose requiring a lengthy pit stop, spends most of the race 7-9 laps down then packs it in. Driver/Engine 2 (Button BMW) made up a grand 13 places from 18th on the grid to finish fifth, although our old enemy Villeneuve (see punt of Ralf when JV "attempted" to overtake DC earlier in the season) put paid to our hopes of 4th! The least said about the chassis' the better. Prost looks a bad choice, with hot-head Alesi and rookie Hiedfeld having a "tactical misunderstanding" leading to both making a permanent off-course excursion. We look forward to Hockenheim simply on the basis that it cannot possibly be any worse than the A1 ring. Look out SNAFU, I'm in freefall!!!

From an undisclosed location that bears a close resemblance to a pub, somewhere in the South of Canada:

Rydell's Rangers wish to apologize. It won't do them a bit of good but they wish to apologize anyway. Bad, bad driving from all concerned, and faulty cars to boot. You are all very bad boys and will write out 100 times each, left handed, "I will not try to win the race in the first corner."

However, we secretly congratulate Zonta for his excellent targeting of the one man we would have picked for him to punt... and for qualifying well, although you wasted the hard work in the end.

Having just seen the person we loathe most in the racing world win the Molson Indy, the team is now going to retire to the back corner of the bar and think up names to call itself. We await the next race. Gloomily.

Bjorn Bork Bork Bork
Discouraged Race Director
Rydell's Rangers

Here are the (unofficial) standings after the Austrian GP:
We're awaiting the decisions made by the FIA regarding Hakkinen's first place.

1. AL Racing/AL Racing...............517 pts...place 93
2. Tulip Racing/Gerard...............444 pts...place 170
3. The nifty nostrils team/Toth......372 pts...place 285
4. KC Team Go Fast/KC................369 pts...place 286
5. Valhalla Team EERO/EERO...........352 pts...place 315
6. L U C 2000/David..................298 pts...place 422
7. Frenbari/Schume...................286 pts...place 431
8. Rydell's Rangers/Liz..............261 pts...place 495
9. My cars go wrouuumm!/Red..........259 pts...place 500
10.Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan......213 pts...place 595
11.Snafu Racing/NeilC................133 pts...place 723


Summary:
--------
AL Racing/AL Racing...........up 53 points + up 4 places
Tulip Racing/Gerard...........up 25 points + down 29 places
The nifty nostrils team/Toth..up 1 point + down 66 places
KC Team Go Fast/KC............up 82 points + up 84 places
Valhalla Team EERO/EERO.......up 17 points + down 39 places
L U C 2000/David..............up 38 points + up 6 places
Frenbari/Schume...............up 14 points + down 22 places
Rydell's Rangers/Liz..........down 8 points + down 93 places
My cars go wrouuumm!/Red......up 41 points + up 7 places
Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan..up 27 points + down 21 places
Snafu Racing/NeilC............up 34 points + down 18 places

Leeds United Champions 2000 Updated Press Release
We are pleased to have been raised 2 places on the mini-grid, following the astonishing revelations that some teams had a worse weekend than us!

Although Tulip Racing gained 25 points, we went down 29 places.
This poor result is all Michael Schumacher's fault. He did not anticipate our man Zonta's natural speed, who, according to the rulebook http://smilecwm.tripod.com/cwm/read.gif was trying to win the race at the first corner since overtaking during the race is almost impossible.
We already sent a message to Herr Schumacher, telling him to http://smilecwm.tripod.com/dvv/boid.gif
Fortunately Mika, our reborn Flying Viking http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/viking.giffinished first, thus assuring us from a further downfall in the points standings.

Louise Goodman had this to say from Minardi fan's tropical hideaway:

"Gonk Racing Inc. are very pleased with Marc's scintillating performance on Sunday, and the fact that both Fondmetals made it home in good positions is certainly a help. However, the gremlins http://smilecwm.tripod.com/dvv/boid.gif in the car of HHF have returned once more. Still, we are leaving Snafu Racing well and truly behind, and are catching the teams in front with some pace. All in all, a good weekend for Gonk Racing Inc. What was that Minardi fan? You want some more sun cream applied? Right away..."

Originally posted by Minardi fan
Louise Goodman had this to say from Minardi fan's tropical hideaway:

" Still, we are leaving Snafu Racing well and truly behind, ..."

Check again Ms. Goodman, if that is your real name. SNAFU narrowed the gap and gained points on your silly little Gonk Racing.

But still, your going to have to do a lot worse than that if you expect to catch the incomparable SNAFU Racing Team.

"The faster we go, the behinder we get"-R. Squirrel, spokesrodent.

Here are the standings after the German GP:


1. AL Racing/AL Racing...............540 pts...place 119
2. Tulip Racing/Gerard...............483 pts...place 181
3. KC Team Go Fast/KC................402 pts...place 313
4. Valhalla Team EERO/EERO...........388 pts...place 334
-. The nifty nostrils team/Toth......388 pts...place 335
6. L U C 2000/David..................363 pts...place 377
7. Frenbari/Schume...................321 pts...place 447
8. My cars go wrouuumm!/Red..........268 pts...place 542
9. Rydell's Rangers/Liz..............266 pts...place 543
10.Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan......215 pts...place 648
11.Snafu Racing/NeilC................133 pts...place 723


Summary:
--------
AL Racing/AL Racing...........up 23 points + down 26 places
Tulip Racing/Gerard...........up 39 points + down 11 places
KC Team Go Fast/KC............up 33 points + down 27 places
Valhalla Team EERO/EERO.......up 36 points + down 19 places
The nifty nostrils team/Toth..up 16 points + down 50 places
L U C 2000/David..............up 65 points + up 25 places
Frenbari/Schume...............up 35 points + up 16 places
My cars go wrouuumm!/Red......up 9 points + down 42 places
Rydell's Rangers/Liz..........up 5 points + down 48 places
Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan..up 2 points + down 53 places
Snafu Racing/NeilC............up 11 points + down 16 places

Rydell's Rangers have Nothing To Say.

They are hiding from their team owner, who fortunately for them is at a party at Rubens' place.

Louise Goodman had this to say following this weekend's performance:

"."

Louise was dragged away and replaced with NEW press officer, the lovely wholesome Carol Vorderman! Here's what she had to say:

"Gonk Racing Inc. will test at Silverstone this week, getting new drivers Michaela Strachan http://www.bbc.co.uk/education/darwin/fossil/images/michaela.jpg and Ukyo Katayama used to their cars. Both Marc Gene and Heinz Harald Frentzen have been temporarily suspended from the team after both failing to score when they bloody well should have. Ok, so Mr. Gene suffered an engine failure but thats not the point. We lost. We admit it. We were even beaten by those chimps Snafu Racing this weekend. Was that good? Do I keep the job?"

This game wonders me more and more! I've scored "positive"? Again? And wait! There's more! I see something in my mirrors, heh heeeee!

A Trailer Park in Indiana.


I lie here, drained bottle of Jack Daniels in floating past me on the floor in a pool of ...

So this is America. I have been sent here to scout out locations for the team as it prepares for its first trip to America in six weeks...

We are dissolute and despairing...our once great hopes crushed by the ineptitude of the other teams... Herr Schumacher ...must...win...

Stange, what is that rushing noise? What is that funny spiral cloud heading this way?...[End of Transmission]

Here's top crumpet Carol with the report on Gonk Racing Inc.'s testing at Silverstone:

"Both Michaela and Ukyo were present today as they prepared for their first race for the team at the Hungarian GP next weekend. Unfortunately neither got any running time - Ukyo got lost in the cockpit of his EJ/M10, whilst Michaela broke a nail whilst putting on her racing outfit. Testing will resume tomorrow."

Watch Out - I'm back

From your performance in the F1 '97 league David, Gonk Racing Inc. are not scared...

;)

Any results forthcoming???

Billy Boy hasn't updated his website yet, maybe he's having a holliday.
It still shows the results after the German GP but as soon as he has updated it with the results from Hungary, I'll post them.

Rydells Rangers are just relieved that we all finished this week...despite Jacques' taking this opportunity to demonstrate what it is about the way TGF drives that so annoys him, by knocking the nose off his car - or was it that de la Rosa suddenly put on the brakes in front of him without signalling? Oh, right, that must have been it.

We had no spectacular finishes, but anyway we finished. Now we're off to the pub to try to remember how we did it so next race we can do it again.

FROM THE DESK OF THOR

Mr. Loki von Klenze has been terminated and no longer represents Valhalla Team EERO.
His delusional rantings have been squashed-permenantly.

On a more serious note, Vahalla Team EERO shall arise from the depths of their recent failures-Herr Schumacher's second place is the first step back toward the front for our Glorious team. We are investigating Herr De La Rosa's lack of form in Hungary. He survived our interrogation and should be back on his feet to resume testing early next week.

A new attitude has embraced our glorious team-


NOTHING BUT TOTAL VICORY WILL BE TOLERATED!

But obviously spelling mistakes will be...

This from Gonk Racing Inc.'s NEW press officer, 'glamma' modul Jooooordaaaaaan, as the team tests at Silverstone.

"Am I on now? Oh really! *titters* Ummmm... Wewl... Michaaaaaela and Ooooooookyo did ok at the... the... *what's this say?* ok Hun - ga - roooo - ring. I mean, Michaaaaela got sixf un Uuuuukyo finished sa... thassit."

Note: Shortly after this, Jordan was sacked, to be replaced by an as-yet-undisclosed replacement.

Here are the standings after the Hungarian GP:


1. AL Racing/AL Racing...............584 pts...place 120
2. Tulip Racing/Gerard...............555 pts...place 159
3. KC Team Go Fast/KC................427 pts...place 327
-. Valhalla Team EERO/EERO...........427 pts...place 328
5. The nifty nostrils team/Toth......416 pts...place 347
6. L U C 2000/David..................393 pts...place 382
7. Frenbari/Schume...................340 pts...place 464
8. Rydell's Rangers/Liz..............305 pts...place 541
9. My cars go wrouuumm!/Red..........293 pts...place 559
10.Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan......244 pts...place 641
11.Snafu Racing/NeilC................162 pts...place 751


Summary:
--------
AL Racing/AL Racing...........up 44 points + down 1 place
Tulip Racing/Gerard...........up 72 points + up 22 places
KC Team Go Fast/KC............up 25 points + down 14 places
Valhalla Team EERO/EERO.......up 39 points + up 6 places
The nifty nostrils team/Toth..up 28 points + down 12 places
L U C 2000/David..............up 30 points + down 5 places
Frenbari/Schume...............up 19 points + down 17 places
Rydell's Rangers/Liz..........up 39 points + up 2 places
My cars go wrouuumm!/Red......up 25 points + down 17 places
Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan..up 29 points + up 7 places
Snafu Racing/NeilC............up 29 points + down 28 places

Well, 2 points is 2 points. But I think Rydell's Rangers will have to do some serious work over the winter. *Sigh*

This from returning press officer Carol Vorderman:

"..........."

At this point Carol fainted, due to the fact that Gonk Racing Inc. not only scored tons of points but also moved up a nice number of places.

Testing report from Silverstone:

1: U KATAYAMA 1.59.345
2: M STRACHAN no time

From the desk of THOR

Valhalla Team EERO has submitted a request for an inquiery by the FIA into the Championship scoring regulations.

Despite the fact that our glorious team is tied in points with KC Team Go Fast ,we are listed as being ONE PLACE BEHIND in place No. 328.

This slight upon our honor cannot be tolerated

WE DEMAN SATISFACTION!!!

-THOR,
Valhalla Team EERO Team Manager

Well I'll be Amsterdamned! I get 29 pts and lose position while my closest competitor, The Gonksters, gained positions with the same points!

I guess I better stay home for the next race to make sure this is on the up-and-up.-R.J. Squirrel, SNAFU Racing Team.

Here are the standings after the Belgian GP:


1. AL Racing/AL Racing...............624 pts...place 133
2. Tulip Racing/Gerard...............601 pts...place 152
3. KC Team Go Fast/KC................474 pts...place 322
4. Valhalla Team EERO/EERO...........469 pts...place 330
5. L U C 2000/David..................456 pts...place 353
6. The nifty nostrils team/Toth......445 pts...place 365
7. Frenbari/Schume...................375 pts...place 471
8. Rydell's Rangers/Liz..............336 pts...place 550
9. My cars go wrouuumm!/Red..........319 pts...place 577
10.Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan......271 pts...place 654
11.Snafu Racing/NeilC................200 pts...place 736


Summary:
--------
AL Racing/AL Racing...........up 40 points + down 13 places
Tulip Racing/Gerard...........up 46 points + up 7 places
KC Team Go Fast/KC............up 47 points + up 5 places
Valhalla Team EERO/EERO.......up 42 points + down 2 places
L U C 2000/David..............up 63 points + up 29 places
The nifty nostrils team/Toth..up 29 points + down 18 places
Frenbari/Schume...............up 35 points + down 7 places
Rydell's Rangers/Liz..........up 31 points + down 9 places
My cars go wrouuumm!/Red......up 26 points + down 18 places
Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan..up 27 points + down 13 places
Snafu Racing/NeilC............up 38 points + up 15 places

Tulip Racing Press Release.

Another satisfying weekend for Tulip Racing.
Only 23 points behind our rivals AL Racing, and gaining.

With only 4 races to go we defenitely have left the other competitors behind and we are now concentrating on the top spot in the 10-Tenths Mini League.
Here we come!!! Move over AL Racing.
Please?

Rydell's Rangers Press Release:

From the sauna out behind the Pit Garages:

The boys did their best today and we are grateful for all the good work put in by everyone. We offer no excuses for Trulli, who certainly did everything that was required of him or will have when the contract on Button that he had his friends arrange has been, um, executed.

Rydell's Rangers are looking forward to next season when we will have a car with aerodynamics that were not designed by Jean Alesi with cotton wool and string on the Bridge at Avignon... and when our pilots have gained back some self respect.

Until then we are going to try not to disgrace ourselves and keep up a brave face ...

Dejected but not defeated -

Bjorn Bork Bork Born
Team Publicity Man

Here are the standings after the Italian GP:


1. AL Racing/AL Racing...............684 pts...place 122
2. Tulip Racing/Gerard...............679 pts...place 129
3. The nifty nostrils team/Toth......527 pts...place 296
4. Valhalla Team EERO/EERO...........504 pts...place 320
5. KC Team Go Fast/KC................502 pts...place 329
6. L U C 2000/David..................486 pts...place 352
7. Frenbari/Schume...................397 pts...place 486
8. My cars go wrouuumm!/Red..........391 pts...place 495
9. Rydell's Rangers/Liz..............370 pts...place 530
10.Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan......298 pts...place 650
11.Snafu Racing/NeilC................200 pts...place 736


Summary:
--------
AL Racing/AL Racing...........up 60 points + up 11 places
Tulip Racing/Gerard...........up 78 points + up 23 places
The nifty nostrils team/Toth..up 82 points + up 69 places
Valhalla Team EERO/EERO.......up 35 points + up 10 places
KC Team Go Fast/KC............up 28 points + down 7 places
L U C 2000/David..............up 30 points + up 1 place
Frenbari/Schume...............up 22 points + down 15 places
My cars go wrouuumm!/Red......up 72 points + up 82 places
Rydell's Rangers/Liz..........up 34 points + up 20 places
Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan..up 27 points + up 4 places
Snafu Racing/NeilC............down 10 points + down 47 places

Rydell's Rangers are just glad they were not all killed. Thanks to Zonta for perservering - the only one who made it past the third racing lap, he certainly did his best today.

The rest of us are considering taking up another line of work. But tomorrow we will feel better, perhaps.

Meanwhile as our cars have been impounded, we shoulder our packs and begin hitchhiking toward the airport to catch our flight to America.

Team Nifty Nostrils Press Conference:

We are depressed today because it seams a wheel from one of our cars hit a marshal, who sadly died. Our thoughts are with his family and friends.
We are glad our pilots are alright and managed to perform wel.

We hope for a better race in two weeks.

This from NEW P.R guru, Vicki Butler-Henderson!

"It is somewhat ironic now that race after race it is the Minardi drivers of Gonk Racing Inc. who score our points, rather than the somewhat better-powered Jordans... Anyway, we look forward to the final three races, despite two of the circuits being ********."

Testing report, Silverstone, 11th September:

1: M STRACHAN 1.38.560
2: U KATAYAMA No time

From the desk of Thor:

Yesterday's sad events make Herr Schumacher's Victory seem insignificant. Despite his brilliant drive we feel great saddness mixed with relief that Herr De La Rosa's accident was not worse. We send our condolences to the family of Paolo Ghislimberti.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, we shall seek out our departed compatriot and former Press Officer Loki von Klenze in the wilds of Indiana when we arrive in the United States next week.

At moments such as this, it is important to embrace those dear to us, even Loki.

--------------------------
AL Racing Press Release:

We're been working our butts of the recent race and haven't had time for a Press Release, and the results have been so depressing we didn't really wanted to. But we're happy to say that we're back in spirit, courtesue of our new steaming sauna, originally owned by Mika Hakkinen, and we'll be updating our fans ASAP.

This victory for our Ferrari chassis meant a lot, our engine got some points as well, sadly our drivers Rubens and Gene have a problem scoring points. I guess our new car-stereo we installed some GP's ago doesn't help.
--------------------------

:cool: :cool: :cool: :cool:

--------------------------
AL Racing Press Release:

We're been working our butts off the recent races and haven't had time for a Press Release, and the results have been so depressing we didn't really wanted to. But we're happy to say that we're back in high spirit, courtesue of our new steaming sauna, originally owned by Mika Hakkinen, and we'll be updating our fans ASAP.

This victory for our Ferrari chassis meant a lot, our engine got some points as well, sadly our drivers Rubens and Gene have a problem scoring points. I guess our new car-stereo we installed some GP's ago doesn't help.
Oh, bye the way we have sent an letter to the FIA conserning an unknown illigal gadget used by Tulip Racing in thier desperation of catching up to us. I'm sure we will stay in the lead for the three last races, hehe.
--------------------------

:cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :D :D :D

Tulip Racing Press Release

Testing will be off this week for Tulip Racing since our cars have been impounded by the FIA following a letter send by one of our opponents in which they asked questions concerning an unknown illegal gadget used by our team.

We have assured the FIA that we are not using any illegal gadgets and that we are committing the sport according to the rules.

The reason behind our final sprint to top spot is because we have threatened our drivers with corporal punishment in case they do not deliver.
For that purpose we have hired Mongo, the not so friendly giant who's mere appearance is enough to make even Mazzacane drive fast.

As a matter of fact, the whole team looks like they are giving their utmost since Mongo joined our ranks.

Looking forward to the US Grand Prix.
Down Mongo, down. Down Mongo. Good boy. Gooood boy. Ouch.

"We've just arrived here in Minneapolis and nobody seems to know anything about a race or even where to find the track. HELP!" R.J. Squirrel, SNAFU Racing

Final test day, Silverstone:

1: M Strachan 1.45.659
2: U Katayama No time - ran out of fuel. Completely.

From the Desk of Thor

We are ecstatic about our esteemed driver, Herr Schumacher's brilliant efforts today of behalf of Valhalla Team EERO. We are certain that the Driver's championship shall be ours!!!!!!!!

Herr De La Rosa put in a credible performance until his retirement, we were hoping for more points, but we are satisfied with our results.


ON to Japan and World Domination!!!!

We were able to locate the remains of our former colleague, Loki von Klenze working as a short order chef in a diner in Terre Haut. He shall be brought home to Valhalla and receive a hero's burial. We offer our condolences to his family.

Following rituals performed in the Black Forest on the eve of the new Millenium, expect him to be back in his former position as our Press Officer by early 2001.

From a Spa near the Canadian Border:

Rydell's Rangers are relieved to report that they came through today's race with most of their colours flying. Trulli tried his best but due to the unholy spirit that possessed the BMW Williams car of Button Spice, he was forced to pack it in early. However, the remainder of the team drove a valiant race and we commend Herr Frenzen for his third place finish and the always-delightful Ricardo for his lightning drive to finish in the points.

A stiff protest has been filed with the Race Director over the disrespectful reference to Herr Frenzen by the American Media as "Hank", and we have been assured that the individual responsible will be sent home to be firmly disciplined by his mother - when Mrs. Barichello finishes taking him to task for referring to her husband as "Ruby."

We are pleased to escape from the United States with our entourage intact and look forward in good spirits to Japan.

(signed)

Bjorn Bork Bork Bork
Press Officer

Results after the US Grand Prix are not yet available but will follow soon.

Here are the standings after the US Grand Prix.


1. AL Racing/AL Racing...............768 pts...place 87
2. Tulip Racing/Gerard...............725 pts...place 133
3. The nifty nostrils team/Toth......561 pts...place 302
4. Valhalla Team EERO/EERO...........551 pts...place 313
5. KC Team Go Fast/KC................539 pts...place 344
6. L U C 2000/David..................494 pts...place 395
7. Frenbari/Schume...................467 pts...place 443
8. Rydell's Rangers/Liz..............447 pts...place 477
9. My cars go wrouuumm!/Red..........391 pts...place 495
10.Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan......342 pts...place 637
11.Snafu Racing/NeilC................228 pts...place 786


Summary:
--------
AL Racing/AL Racing...........up 84 points + up 35 places
Tulip Racing/Gerard...........up 46 points + down 4 places
The nifty nostrils team/Toth..up 34 points + down 6 places
Valhalla Team EERO/EERO.......up 47 points + up 7 places
KC Team Go Fast/KC............up 37 points + down 15 places
L U C 2000/David..............up 8 points + down 43 places
Frenbari/Schume...............up 76 points + up 43 places
Rydell's Rangers/Liz..........up 77 points + up 53 places
My cars go wrouuumm!/Red......up 40 points + down 2 places
Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan..up 44 points + up 13 places
Snafu Racing/NeilC............up 28 points + down 50 places

Well anyway we are not quite at the bottom, and judging by some of the races we have run, we have to be grateful for small mercies.

*Sigh*

Schloss Valhalla, near Konigsberg, East Prussia.


Our Celebrations have subsided, GLORY to the great Her Schumacher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Our glorius driver has acheived that heaven-sent prize, he shall truely join our heroes in VALHALLA!!!!!!!!



THOR Valhalla Team EERO Team Manager

Standings after Japanese Grand Prix

1. AL Racing/AL Racing...............816 pts...place 101
2. Tulip Racing/Gerard................785 pts...place 120
3. Valhalla Team EERO/EERO.........609 pts...place 295
4. The nifty nostrils team/Toth......595 pts...place 321
5. KC Team Go Fast/KC...............584 pts...place 336
6. L U C 2000/David...................517 pts...place 434
7. Frenbari/Schume...................500 pts...place 458
8. My cars go wrouuumm!/Red......471 pts...place 500
9. Rydell's Rangers/Liz................471 pts...place 501
10.Gonk Racing Inc./Minardi Fan...335 pts...place