Top Ten signs you've bought a cheap car

10. Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage Bags.
9. The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
8. The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
7. The rear-view mirror says, "Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This
Piece of Junk."
6. The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the
everyday abacus.
5. Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you're taking.
4. The sticker on the windshield says, "Batteries Not Included."
3. You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coals.
2. You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.
1. When you pass hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.

How about:

The dictionary definition of a 'lemon' is illustrated with a picture of your car. :)

Or: Your neighbours pay you to park your car in another neighbourhood.

You get the first place trophy at the Demolition Derby simply by showing up.

When you park in front of art galleries, you frequently come out to find art students gathered around your car saying, "Hmmmm, what do you think the artist was trying to say here?"

"I just looove the way he's allowed the rust to eat into the structure with such devastating spontanaity...!


Incidentally, four of my cars have actually cost less than the annual road licence to buy.

Well? What's the rest of the story? :)

You invetigate the diff whine to find the diff has benn packed with banana skins.

You open the boot to look at the spare tyre and can see the road underneath where the tyre should sit.

Your friends won't travel with you because they hate push starting when the lights change.

You turn the radio on (see it works) and all other electrical functions cease.

You blame your lack of attraction to the opposite sex on your wheels. This I admit could be relative both ways.

Your mechanic fains illness when you show up at the garage.

Your parents offer to garrentee the loan on a new Hyundia. This means it's really bad.

One of my 'bargain' minis seemed to lack any sort of floor...

let's comapre this with my delightful little car.
10. Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage Bags.
> not that sad, i'm afraid.
9. The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
> uh, yeah. and with the wind behind me....
8. The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
> stereo? don't you mean mono?
7. The rear-view mirror says, "Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piece of Junk."
>nope.
6. The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the everyday abacus.
> odo-what? i've got one of those metre sticks, and a little irish leprachaun counting. he's having a cup of tea at the moment. what do you mean, you lost count?
5. Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you're taking.
>it is standard cambridge knowledge. stay the hell out of the way of the girl in the french car.
4. The sticker on the windshield says, "Batteries Not Included."
> i have a hamster.
3. You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coals.
> i have pedals.
2. You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.
> oh, i don't take it anywhere any more. people object to the billowing smoke...
1. When you pass hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.
> they usually run away screaming...

am i the only one whose car ceases to move when going up a hill on a windy day without appraching it at at least 80mph? :rotate:

One of my 'bargain' minis seemed to lack any sort of floor...

Dan, regardless of the price, most Minis come as standard equipment with that "commanding view of the road" ;)

You know you're driving a cheap car when it is paid for before it falls to pieces.

...filling the tank up doubles the value.


...you have to keep your sunroof closed to avoid builders-rubble seat covers.


...the fire service turn you down when you offer your vehicle for accident recovery practice.

You are afraid to wash it incase more rust holes are found.

Your pride in ownership revolves around the lack of money it owes you.